Character Vs. Narrator Epic Smackdown

I am the Narrator. It’s my job to create the story and to decide what the characters do and don’t see. I have to decide whose eyes the reader can see out of, and what the characters sound like. If I’m good, I’m invisible to the reader, except for the pictures I create. If I’m bad, I draw attention to myself, disorient the reader, and drip purple prose onto the story. It’s my job to keep those pesky characters in line and to make sure that whether I’m showing you the story through first person, third person, omniscient, or any other device, that the reader sees what I want to show them. Take that, character!

I am the Main Character. Or maybe she is the main character? Both of us are the main character? I’m confused. I’m confused a lot. That narrator doesn’t always let me see what is going on, even when she knows. It’s not fair. All I want to do is to [take over the plot] follow the plot, but how can I do that when I don’t know what’s going to happen?

All right, settle down, Character. Look, you’re not supposed to know what’s going to happen. That’s my job. Your job is to keep the reader engaged and interested while the plot plays out. It’s my job to drop hints for the reader so that they can work out what’s happening. My job is a tough one, after all; I need to paint those clues so that the reader understands them, but you don’t. That’s an awfully tricky task. Especially when you’re speaking in first person. Because then, I still have to hide things from you, and make it look like you and I are the same person. Most people don’t even realize there’s a difference between us in first person.

Hey, Narrator! Cut the superior attitude! I don’t know who put you in charge, but the one in charge should be me! I’m the one who has to hang off the damned cliffs after all! I’m the one whose life is in danger or who has to deal with all those unpleasant villains! And it’s so close when I’m in first person narrative – I can almost imagine that it’s really me deciding what to tell the reader. Of course, third person limited or third person omniscient has its charms; the reader can see me better, and see our surroundings better, unless the narrator is really, really good at their job. You so often get sloppy in first person, Narrator, insisting in telling everyone what I’m thinking, but forgetting to show the reader the physical world around me!

Character, chill! It’s not so easy to finesse point of view. Even in third person limited, it’s tricky to remember that I can’t say what someone else is feeling or thinking without breaking viewpoint. And if you weren’t in the habit of hijacking the plot with all of your silly personality, I wouldn’t have as much trouble steering the reader in the right direction. That little habit of yours, where suddenly your personality decides that my plot isn’t good enough is enough, that you need to upset all of my plans, is annoying. Why can’t you just stick with my direction and stop trying to direct the plot your way?

Look, Narrator, you ought to know better than anyone that when I take off with the plot that it’s going to get more interesting. I’m much more solid when I decide some things about the plot. And it’s not as if I am completely sabotaging you. There’s still all that planning work, all that world building, all those scenes where I may want to do things my way, but where you have to figure out how to describe it, and how to bring the reader into the scene in a visual or sensory way. All those places where you have to maintain continuity, and those scenes where you have to drop subtle hints into the narrative. Hmm. I guess you do quite a bit at that. If you’d only give me control once in a while, maybe I wouldn’t be quite as confused when you keep things from me.

Character, that’s generous of you. And it’s true that when you get to lead that things often get more interesting, and more solid. My job can be pretty tough, and sometimes a little help is appreciated. I know it can be hard on you when I’m telling the reader things that you’re not supposed to know. But what else is there to do? The plot won’t work if you already know everything. And because you’re the most important part of any story – yes, I do know that – you’re the one I especially have to hide things from. It’s not that I’m taunting you; it’s that I value you. You’re the person the author sees through. You’re the one who makes the story a story, and not a scenario. You’re the pivot point.

Okay, Narrator, now I’m blushing. I didn’t realize you appreciated me so much. Maybe I’d just as soon not want to do all your work. A little appreciation goes a long way. Thanks!

I think, Character, that we’ve been working at cross-purposes. Maybe we need to work on our relationship. We’re both important, and the story won’t go anywhere without us both. Truce?

Truce, Narrator.

Good. Now maybe the two of us can get back to work.