It's Easier to Write than Promote

So now, as a small press author, I get to do the fun and interesting legwork of trying to get promotions, reviews, etc. Did I mention how much I truly hate doing this? I've learned my craft of writing over time; I know the ups and downs, the ways of writing when I can't stand the thought, the "I can always revise" mentality that I've adopted, the fact that I consider everything I write crap after I've finished writing it. I know that I should always skim rejection letters so that if I get a particularly hateful one I don't immediately fall into ravening rejectomancy. But this is something different.

I'm not a people person. I'm a raging introvert. So now I have to connect to people I don't know, beg for consideration by review sites, and I don't even know what my official cover looks like. (I'm hoping my mock-up isn't cooler than the real thing.)

Thank goodness for the Internet. If I had to phone people, I would soon become a quivering jellylike substance, suitable only to spread on bread or to possibly devour someone in a D&D dungeon. It's nuts. (Maybe I could mix the nuts and jelly? Why am I making this into a food metaphor?)

All I want is for reviewers and promoters to beat down my door begging for the chance to promote my book. Is this too much to ask for?